In this segment, we’ll discuss alcoholism and parenting. Both are incredibly rewarding, but can they both be done at the same time?
Yes they can!
I’m not talking about chavvy daytime drinking, where you pick up some tins and head to the nearest swings with the fam’ every time the weather is nice. This is more about civilised drinking, when your little bundles of joy go to bed and leave you the hell alone for a bit.
I bloody love drinking, it’s brilliant. But as with everything in life after kids, it’s not about you anymore, and it won’t be until 2036. A couple of pints with the lads after work? You can forget that for roughly a decade. Spontaneous night out with the Mrs? Not without 3 months of extensive planning. Your social life may be in ruins, but you will still need alcohol as part of a healthy day to day routine.
Adult time (however fleeting) is essential, as the usual chaotic events of the day will often leave you showing all the symptoms of PTSD. It’s also the only time you and your partner get to discuss important adult stuff – like food shopping or the cute things the kids did today. And as fascinating as a conversation about how ‘we’re running out of butter again’ is, you could be forgiven to have the odd tinge of sadness every time you reminisce about the younger, way more awesome version of you. Thankfully, these moments of crushing reality can be washed away with a tidal wave of sweet delicious alcohol!!
The key to being happy/drunk and a parent at the same time is balance. You can’t go getting ‘wake up in the garden drunk’, because not only will you wake up in the garden, you’ll also be a shit Dad on multiple levels. I’m also a bit of a girls blouse when it comes to hangovers, so the state of ‘Shit Dad’ would stretch for days and that just won’t do.
I did have one night of excess recently for Dahlia’s headwetting, but the next day I was a shambles, with one of those hangovers that craves darkness and soft/quiet food. Aims did her best to keep me quarenteened from the kids, but they kept breaking through her defences to hit me like a screaming, stinky juggernaut on a regular basis. Needless to say it was the longest day of my life.
For stay-at-home-sofa boozing, it is important to find something you are good at drinking. The aim now is to get buzzed and enjoy your precious slot of adult time, whilst still having the ability to get up at 5:30 because someone wants to scoff Cheerios and watch Paw Patrol. So if everytime you’ve drank whiskey, you’ve woken up in Belgium with a new tattoo – don’t drink whiskey. Simple. Likewise if a drink makes you unusually emotional, stay clear or you’ll be bombing up the stairs in floods of tears to tell the children how beautiful they are.
Our weapon of choice is Sauvignon Blanc, a light fruity tipple that has just the right amount of alcohol content to make everything hilarious. It’s also not gassy, which is essential when racing to get the bottle(s) down our necks before the crippling tiredness takes hold and one of us passes out at 8:46pm. It ticks all the boxes, I can taste it already! Roll on 8pm!!