Cleaning up after the party you weren’t invited too. 

​In this blog, I moan about picking up after my kids (I hope this isn't just me).  ​​​It's been a while since my last blog and people keep asking where I've been. The truth of the matter is that I've been struggling to find my phone or laptop amongst the sea of mass produced plastic... Continue Reading →


The Children’s Party Scene: what is life?  

Where has Aims gone? She's been gone ages. The awkward silence is now deafening, but I smile politely at the stranger I'm having the rapidly drying out conversation with. A feral looking child runs past, covered in chocolate. I want chocolate. Would it be wrong if I ask a stranger to hold this baby so... Continue Reading →

Being so tired you’re worried you might die. 

I had insomnia in my mid twenties, and that's the actual, clinical, real life Edward Norton in fight club insomnia, not the kind where people just update their Facebook status because they're up past 2am on a Tuesday-insomnia, big difference. A combination of bad life choices regarding money and women, coupled with a crushing realisation... Continue Reading →


Moth€r$ Day.

In this weeks blog, I moan a lot about things people enjoy. No real parenting tips either. Or funny bits for that matter, just me moaning about nice things. I hope you like it. I struggle with Mother's Day, the same way I do with Fathers Day, Valentine's Day and sending cards to each other for... Continue Reading →


Feeding Time: I’ll be under the table if you need me.

One kid is a challenge, so the logic is that two children will be doubly as tough; (👶🏻 + 👱🏻‍♀️ = 👶🏻👱🏻‍♀️)👍🏻 It's only when you're sat in the middle of two girls screaming at you for entirely different reasons do you realise that this theory is a crock of shit, and the difficulty level... Continue Reading →


Embarrassing Dad; is it Inevitable? 

I don't have Snapchat. I don't know what 'on fleek' means, and I haven't the foggiest about dabbing. I'm also fairly certain I've never heard a track by Drake. Is it even called a track these days? Who knows? Who cares? I certainly don't, most of the time. The transition from man in his 30's... Continue Reading →


The Inevitable Photo Shoot.

The risk of being dragged off to do a professional photo shoot is never more present than when you have small children. I would say this period of code red extends from 2 weeks to 3 years old. Everyone loves a baby photo, parents, grandparents, even I can admit that since I've had my own,... Continue Reading →


Parenting: How drunk is too drunk? 

In this segment, we'll discuss alcoholism and parenting. Both are incredibly rewarding, but can they both be done at the same time? **SPOILER ALERT** Yes they can! I'm not talking about chavvy daytime drinking, where you pick up some tins and head to the nearest swings with the fam' every time the weather is nice.... Continue Reading →


Food Shopping. Why I’d rather be on fire.

In this segment, I'll reminisce about the first time I went to the supermarket with a toddler and a baby, and then I'll offer suggestions on how to avoid it ever happening to you. It was a typically British January - freezing cold and pissing it down for 98% of the time, which is less... Continue Reading →


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